9.43am.
It’s a shitty day.
You’ve been asleep for ten minutes, after a two and a half hours of fighting tooth and nail to be awake. It’s not that you want to be up, you just don’t know how to switch off and let yourself get some rest.
As your Mum, it’s my job to help you figure out how to do that and some days, I know what I’m doing.
But not today.
Or yesterday.
We’re blaming the fact that you’re seven weeks old tomorrow and supposedly going through the second developmental leap, which means that the way you’ve been seeing and understanding the world has changed yet again.
Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, two minutes later, nothing makes sense. Trust me when I say, I know how it feels. That’s how it feels to be a parent.
2.09pm.
Your sleep this morning lasted for ten minutes.
We’ve both spent a lot of time crying and frustrated with each other for not getting what we want, which happens to be the same thing: for you to get some damn sleep.
Sometimes I find myself trying to imagine what life would have been like without the tongue and lip ties, the frenectomy, the expressing, the thrush, the formulas, the allergic reactions, the appointments, the reflux…but I can’t.
I’m proud of how far we’ve come together in the past seven weeks, even on the days where Nanny Sooki arrives on her lunch break to find me bawling my eyes out because you haven’t slept for six hours and we’re both exhausted.
Because that’s real.
You’re real and I really get to be your Mama.
After years of fearing that this would never happen, it did and even on the shittiest of days, I’m so grateful.
3.45pm.
You’ve been asleep for almost forty minutes now.
Thank god.
Thank god that a sleep deprived, grizzly baby is the worst ‘problem’ I have.
Thank god that your Papa will be home from work in an hour and a half so that we can both cry to someone else.
Thank god that he still looks forward to coming home to us every day even when he knows what kind of moods we’ll be in.
Thank god that there are only 24 hours in a day and we get a fresh start tomorrow.
3.57pm.
Did I mention that I love you?
xo,
Mama.
A Lifelong Love 